Finding Out Who You Are
It can be said that only one opinion that really matters — your own, although I partly disagree. At times we may be harsh on our self (due to conditioning). At other times we may have over-inflated egos (because we were misinformed that this was the way to go to feel good about yourself). Much of the time in our search for self-esteem we barely know where to look for it. We often start in our abilities or looks or some feature or other and even in our possessions or number or friends and likes!!
I agree however that our true worth does not lie in the reflecting opinions of others (usually subjective). The superimposed ideas of others, most often underdeveloped is not an indicator of our self-worth.
This looking to others to affirm our value, this ‘looking-glass self ‘ is, ego identity is barely stable. This is formed largely from without and its construction is largely maintained from a desire for others good opinions us. This is not our true self. For that, we have to look inwardly. Looking outward can lead to unhealthy daily searching for approval, affirmation, and validation. We all want to be loved and liked, but we already have all of our value intrinsic and within us. If we are lucky our mothers told us this from an early age, but we are not all lucky (in that way) but we are still just as lovable.
We just need to start looking for that all affirming love and acceptance in the right place. This does take some discovering and therein lies the challenge and it’s a good thing and holds great potential growth. Growth is the law of life, and self-discovery although painful at times is an exciting journey. But first, you need to know how to go about it. If life has given you this challenge you can either rise to it and grow or be defeated by it and stagnate.
Finding Foundations of Self-Esteem –
A stable place to start from is hope. Someone once said to me ‘I would love to have that faith you have in god, and that I am Godlike, but I don’t believe. What I would have loved to explain is that my belief came first from the desire for something better. It was only after then finding the message of hope, to a consideration of the possibility of what it might accomplish if true to trying in desperation, to faith because of personal evidence and outcome. Strange how people think faith is easy like it falls out of the sky or is an accident of birth. Most people that have it worked or it. Acquiring an understanding of the power of God came from trying it out wholeheartedly and experiencing the effects.
Coping with Criticism
It is never easy being criticized. Most people will go to some lengths to avoid any hints of criticism if self-esteem is already low. We may have difficulty in recognizing that it is only a perception one aspect of our behavior that is being criticized. Even if it is true it is only so temporarily, neither do not need to be defined by it. It is all part of the learning process. The trick is to engage the mind logically about the criticism and to get over it quickly. This is not ignoring it but examining the veracity deciding if any action is needed and re-centering and moving on. Coaching can help with this as can meditation techniques and mindfulness-based on soul the identity principle.
Easier Said Than Done or Water of a Ducks Back!
It is true that when the subjective experience of criticism hits the theoretical and logical understanding does not immediately come to bear. We cope admirably at some times and at others ruminations on the criticisms mars our thinking and outlook for a long time. This, however, is easily and relatively quickly remedied with training from coaching. Coaching can help to acquire skills altering your perspective quickly. With this and developing a good spiritual meditative practice not only do criticisms trouble less, but they are even welcomed as growth material.
SpectrummCoaching for Spiritual basis fo ultimate Self Esteem